For the uninitiated, allow me to take a moment to introduce you to something (nay, someone. Someones [as there are, technically, two of them]) that you really must know, as it will make your life shinier and happier and infinitely better than it is now.
Ah, you say, but my life is already perfect, so thanks but no thanks.
LIAR! I say.
If you are unfamiliar with the Fug Girls, I beseech you, get thee over to Go Fug Yourself and read every single post from the past two years as homework and write a report to me (post haste!), that will inevitably be grammatically inferior and will get a stern C - from my acerbic Red Pen of Judgment, which will, in turn, cause you to snuffle back your tears with a quavering, "But I tried really hard this time," Which I will brush off by saying, "Just work on those homonyms, my little lamb, and bring me a vodka tonic." So scurry off and get started!
For those of you who Fug daily (God bless your souls and your sharp wit and your Internet savviness), you know that the Fug Girls (who are always, always funny) occasionally outdo themselves with posts so sidesplittingly clever I can't HELP but share.
This is one of those posts.
"...The thought of going through life without Victoria Beckham fills me with despair. I love her sassy haircut and her wicked dominatrix sandals. I love her giant, blingy rings. I love her insanely short skirt and ruffle-esque collar. I love that her dress is made of hearts. I even love her crazy tan. I love her. I would be so sad if she were to go away. And so I must clutch her to my bosom, bind her with matrimonial vows, and never let her go. Cavalli can make our gowns, then I can decide mine is too gaudy and have a big hissy and wear Oscar de la Renta, because that's how I roll. Andre Leon Talley will officiate. Will Smith will perform a medley of "Getting Jiggy Wit It," "Just The Two of Us," and, in an surprisingly self-centered move, "Will 2K.""
So now you see you have your work cut out for you. Get to reading!