Mowgli / by LD

He seemed so nice then.

About a year ago (August 2007), I met a quiet kid from the Czech Republic who introduced himself as Erik. Erik with a K. He came with Mike and Tyler to F*ck Yeah Fest in Echo Park (cannot. wait. for this year.), having barely been in America two weeks. By the end of the night, he'd already gotten a number from a woozy Echo Park girl with a head full of insouciant dreams. Welcome to America, eh?

In the intervening months between then and now, I've gotten to know that quiet kid from the Czech Republic who pronounces his V's as W's and refers to his Host Brother (Mike) as his "host brudder." Turns out, he's not so quiet after all, and has quite the mouth on him to boot. Some things (like attitude) aren't lost in translation, I guess.

A few weeks ago, a group of us spent the weekend at Tyler's place in Thousand Oaks and spent one of the days kicking around downtown Ventura trying to escape the oppressive heat by ducking into thrift stores, which, as it turns out, are rarely ever air-conditioned. At one of the stores, Erik found a pair of tan and creme golf shoes--cleats and all. 

He was so excited, so thrilled, about these golf shoes, that he borrowed cash from the rest of us to pay for the them. He then proceeded to put the shoes on in the middle of Downtown Ventura, forsaking reason, logic, and perhaps hygiene to click-clack down the street in his black shorts, navy crew socks, and tan-white golf shoes. Hot. Very hot.



My first reaction, of course, was to think, This fella ought to take my sister out on a date. Yep, this foreigner who regularly sends party guests into a tizzy with his misguided pronunciation of such words as "Wegetable" and "Walentine's Day" should most definitely flex his 18-year-old muscles and borrow his host mamma's Scion to take Jody out for a night on the town.

His version of that, however, was to ask her to go to prom with him. Over FACEBOOK. Along with two other girls.

Ah, well. You win some, you lose some. In the end, Jody wasn't able to go to prom as she was about 2.5 years too old for the tulle and lace and booty dancing spectacle of it all. It's just as well.

Because he supposedly boycotted prom due to his inability to bring an older woman as his date, Erik was to take Jody out on a mystical date one afternoon a couple of weeks ago, but sadly fell ill, 'womiting' the entire contents of his foreign stomach into a very American porcelain throne. We went over there with gifts and good tidings for him and he, of course, responded by being a sassy little punk. Figures.

At one point in the afternoon, he was sitting on the couch with his black crew socks, pale, pale Czech legs and black shorts curled up next to me and I looked down and remarked,

"Erik, your legs look like an Oreo cookie."

And last night, our favorite Foreigner boarded a plane bound for the Czech Republic. He made a few 'your mom' jokes before being shuttled off to LAX with Ham and Mike, and as he pulled away from the driveway in his black socks and dark shorts and Oreo cookie legs, I thought, "It was wery fun having you in my life, Erik. Wery fun, indeed."