Today's quotables / by laurel

"[Suede] continually talks to no one in particular about how he wants to go home and cry, referring to himself in the third person a hundred thousand times. This is profoundly annoying and makes us too want him to go home and cry." - The Vulture NYMag blog

Laurel feels like referring to oneself in the third person should be outlawed, along with Ironic Grandma Frames.

(e.g.)



(But no. Seriously. Just, no.) (Seriously.)

(And also, did anyone else feel like Suede's utter disaster of a frock looked like an unfortunate Original Lifetime Movie Event?  Lifetime Presents: Hit-and-Run: Roadkill Edition: The Dark Side of Lady and The Tramp: Post-Spaghetti and Chianti Binge. Anyone?)


...

"I discovered early that men are human and have found they respond well to that understanding."

And women, ostensibly, are what? And respond precisely how? But okay, I'll give her that much: As a human, I would respond positively if people finally understood that I am, in fact, human. As opposed to a unicorn. Or a mermaid. Get it RIGHT, people!

"I also noticed during the past 20 years or so that the culture was hostile toward males and, well, I'm a mom. Don't mess with my boys."

Riiight. Because nothing emasculates faster than a mom going to bat for her widdle pwecious boys. Who you gonna call? Ball Busters!

- Kathleen Parker, author of Save the Males: Why Men Matter; Why Women Should Care, as interviewed by Real Clear Politics.com

...

"And listen, let me be clear, I am not judging what boobs do of their own God-given volition. We've all been there. What I can't figure out is why she wouldn't give her goods a boost. Every girl in the world mocks the pencil test until the day she fails it, prompting her to binge on Doritos and investigate whether a boob lift is prohibitively expensive. But you know what helps? UNDERWIRE. It makes cleavage smile. So why let nature take its course without even TRYING one of the many helpful detours? Hell, I'm about two seconds away from putting on a second bra just to balance out the universe a bit. For God's sake, FEAR GRAVITY, girl, because it does not fear you. " 

-Go Fug Yourself, Re: Maggie Gyllenhaal's apparent lack of underpinnings at the Dark Knight premiere 

I say, hell hath no fury like an undergarment scorned.