Designers, designers, designers. Why exactly are we not making it work?
Is it bad that I have serious doubts about the design abilities of all of the Project Runway contestants? I know, I know. You scoff. But what about Leanne and her self-professed insane amount of creativity? You ask. Yes, that girl does amazingly creative thing with bangs, doesn't she? And what about Blayne and his cheekbones?! Right. And then there's Kenley with her jaunty headpieces and wholly evil, evil snickering. (SRSLY, people? Did we see her hostile takeover of La Klum's comments regarding Daniel's "good taste"? She was skating on thin ice, if you ask me, her triple sow cow most definitely had a bit o' Biatch in it).
But I stand by my suspicions. Those being that I (and, apparently, Nina Garcia) have my doubts about the level of taste and design ability amongst the final 12 (now 11, you're auf'd, Kelli Corset). Maybe it's that I've really only been impressed (truly, truly impressed) by one of the designs thusfar, but I can't help but feel that when Bravo TV asks me to text my response to the question "Which designer would you choose to design an outfit for you?" my answer would be, "Is Michael Kors an option?"
I know. Well, let's look a the evidence a little closer, shall we? I mean, I can't go making flippant claims over here without defending my stance, can I? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you Exibits A - E: Design an outfit for Brooke Shields to wear on her Sex and the City-wannabe show, Lipstick Jungle.
Blayne's attempt sort of mixes cultures in a frothy smoothie of preppy, beachy, and ew. Culture clash? Eh. Nix that one. I'm fairly certain that neither Heidi Klum nor Nina Garcia would be caught dead in formal bermuda shorts. Though I suspect Tim Gunn might secretly covet a pair to wear with his Sperry's when he summers in Nantucket. Couldn't you just imagine his giddy romps through the Atlantic ocean? I can, and that image alone will tide me over through the darkest and dullest of days, my friends. Eh, on to the next!
Jerell has clearly redeemed himself from last week's confusing kerfuffle. I like everything about this look (except the bland bag) and it appeared that Ms. Shields was also a fan, though she recanted later, hesitantly offering that what Jerell nailed was, "...the shape..." dot dot dot. Honey, just because you play a fashionista on TV doesn't necessarily make you one in real life, but whatevs. Great eyebrows, nonetheless, and your HAIR. Good grief. Okay, we can be friends again.
Koto's look confuses me. Truly. The camel-colored sheath sort of reminds me of sprain bandages, and the bizarre bazaar tunic is a little too pumpkin spice latte for my tastes. All she needs is a shiny turban and she could play the lead role in Walt Disney Presents: Because We Had So Much Success With That Lion Story: Aladdin IV: Prince of Sheaths: ON BROADWAY!
This is Keith "I'm a cholo. No seriously, I'm a respected designer. Ah, no I'm so gangsta it hurts!" 's winning design. I like it. I don't love it. Moving on!
Oy. The hip-slung belt. The ruffles. The bootcut dance pants. There is not one thing about this outfit that doesn't just scream "MALL!" And also possibly "Charlotte Russe!", "YOU WANT SAMPLE?", "Clearance rack at Forever21!", "2003! No, 4. No, 3!", and finally, "Orange Julius!"
And Terri, that just ain't right.
Oh, how I miss the mall.
But where was I, aside from floating in a hazy dream of Sweet Factories and American Eagles? Oh yes...the talent pool. Seems to be on the shallow end, wouldn't you say? Nothing has truly bowled me over in terms of sheer genius (get it? 'Cause that's the show immediately following PR? yuk, yuk, yuk. Well, Mike might be the only one who gets the pun. So...Mike, that was for you, luv. Please, just a courtesy laugh would be nice). And forgive also the talent pool-shallow end pun, it's just that I've been living vicariously through the heroic exertions of our revered Olympians and I swear to you, swimming is the only thing that's ever on. That and, well, gymnastic puns are harder to come up with. The designers don't stick it? Their designs are...off balance?
It's just not working.
And speaking of talented designers, I'll admit that perhaps I'm a bit biased because I live with a designer and ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'd like to submit my closing argument for the Case Against The Bad Designers: Jody Dailey could trump them all, even Leanne and her ca-raaazy ways, even Stella and her leather chaps.
I rest my case.