The more bizarre the ballet, the better / by laurel

I know I'm about three years behind the cultural curve on this one, but yo, friendo - PLANET EARTH, brah! I know, right? ANIMALSSSSS!

Jeff brought over the first disc last night and just like that, I was reduced from rational, intelligent human being to a simpering, squealing sub-human whose only brain function is to gesticulate wildly while hollering "Oh M Gee, ANIMALS!" at the TV screen whilst simultaneously kicking ones' feet in the air.ย 

An unflattering regression, I assure you.ย 

Nevertheless, there I was - (BABY POLAR! BEAR! LOOK AT HIS EARS, JEFF. LOOK AT THEM. ...are you looking at them? LOOK AT THEM I SAID!) - writhing around on the couch while Jeff stoically fiddled with his iPhone (JEFF. DID YOU SEE THE WAY THE BABOONS CROSSED THE RIVER? ARE YOU LOOKING? I'm going to rewind. I'm rewinding. Can you look now? Did you see it? Did you see their hands? JEFF!).ย 

As odd as that display of the Animal Kingdom imitating life (or was it the other way around?), odder still is the mating ritual of a bird of paradise. What starts as an obsessive-compulsive need to CLEAN THE FOREST quickly devolves into an fluffy ballet dance, replete with foofy black tutu.
Dancing hippos? This is the REAL Fantasia, biatch

Doesn't anybody notice meeee?

But that's not even the strangest part. Soon, Sir Paradise ruffles his feathers in an even more disturbing manner and I swear to you, when that bird turned around and I got a full view of his troubled visage, it was like that terrifying scene in Mulholland Drive that I'd prefer not to think of ever again. I think I may have shouted, "AH! GOBLIN!" But then again I'm not sure because after watching this mating dance, my brain exploded.

Love me. No, seriously. If you don't, I might haunt your brain for all of eternity.

I will possess your heart (and you thought Ben Gibbard was creepy)

Can we rewind back to the part about the baby polar bears?