Thanks but no thanks, Shoddy Internet Live Feed On News Websites Everywhere (including Fox News, which I navigated to under the notion that, being the go-to source for Republicans the States over, perhaps the bandwidth wouldn't be exceeded to the point of tearing apart at the seams every two seconds. Instead it crashed my web browser. FAIL). So I heard blips from Yo Yo Ma that screeched like a cat claw every time the feed cut out (which was often) and snippets here and there from various speakers, including the President himself before the feed cut out once and for all. United States + The World Wide Web: FAIL.
Essentially now that the hullaballoo has subsided (or, in my case, shuddered, blipped, and grew very, very pixelated before crashing my web browser with a thunderous NO YOU CAN'T!), I'm free to divert my attentions to something a bit more pressing. Namely, Lost Season 5 is premiering tomorrow night.
I'll pause while you find the plastic American flags you cast aside after the Internet crashed your web browser barely two sentences into La Presidente's inaugural speech. Join me now in a chorus of "God Bless America." (Sorry, Aretha. I can handle this one. You can sit over there and fluff your giant bow.)
I mean, are we excited, or are we EXCITED ALL CAPS? Answer: We are EXCITED. I've even been making poor-taste Oceanic Six references around work lately and Internet, nobody laughs. Which clearly doesn't mean that I make terrible jokes in the poorest of taste, but that my beloved Lost has been off the air for far too long.
Tomorrow night at 9, you'll know where to find me. In the meantime, if you're a Lost fanatic too and fancy a good commentary authored by someone more obsessed (and a better writer) than you are, please see Jeff Jenson's recaps, conspiracy theories, attempted spoilers, and otherwise show-specific banter over at Entertainment Weekly.