Concerning My Feelings On Cargo Shorts: An iChat with Byron and Myself / by LD


Jess and Tyler are getting married in less than a month at a park in Fullerton. Given that it will be summertime, what better way to celebrate the festivities than by donning formal shorts, right? The gentlemen of the wedding party are doing just that, and this morning Jen informed me that she and Byron went shopping last night to find him a wedding outfit, as they will be attending as guests. He found a couple pairs of shorts that he liked, and I was overwhelmed with happiness because I think every guy should step out in formal shorts this summer. However, Byron sang a slightly different tune later in the morning:

B: So you spoke with Jen, I hear.

L: I did, yes.

B: Hmmm.

L: And you are buying formal shorts, I hear.

B: Meh, maybe. I might bring cargo ones. But I haven't told Jen that yet. Cargo shorts and a Hawaiian shirt.

L: ABSOLUTELY NOT. No no no cargo shorts!

B: You're not the boss of me. I'm bringing cargo shorts.

L: DO NOT. I'll ban you. I'll tell security to throw you out. I'm the maid of honor, I have that power.

B: You can't ban me from the park. It's public property!

L: I will ban you from FULLERTON CITY PROPER. "Officer, there's a Guatemalan gentleman about 5'6", with a Mayan totem pole on his left leg. He'll be wearing parachute-y cargo shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. You can't miss him. He's a cultural fruit salad. Please send him to jail immediately. Or H&M, whichever is closer."

I think I've made my point very clear. Fellas, just say no to cargo shorts. I beg you.