Luxottica is the DEVIL / by LD


LIES Sunglass Hut tells its customers who are on hold with their customer service line:

We KNOW your time is valuable. Thank you for holding. Assistance is just a moment away.

LIE.

Thank you for calling! Our staff is working hard to take your call next!

LIE.

Because of the personal attention given EVERY caller, you may experience a brief delay.

LIE.

We appreciate your patience, please stay on the line for the next available operator.

LIE.

We KNOW your time is valuable.

LIE.

THANK you for holding.

LIE.

Assistance is just a moment away.

LIES! LIES! LIES!

These platitudes are doing nothing to calm my jangled nerves, and in fact, are riling me up more than if I were left alone in the proverbial waiting room with a 4-year-old copy of Good Parenting and a clock ticking backwards on the wall. And what's the point, anyway? As soon as the holding pattern resolves, I'm left talking to a muffle-mouthed bozo whose education has, I'm sure, barely eclipsed community college, at best. Their options are all the same: A new phone number to call to speak with another half-wit with a page worth of script and no other solutions; a hands-off mail-order situation with a wait time of 6 weeks; advice to speak with a district manager, whose number cannot be revealed unless I talk with a store manager, and I'm sorry, she won't be in until tomorrow, is there something I can help you with?

'Help' being the operative, deceptive, ultimately incorrect word, here.

Luxottica Corporation is not liable, except that actually, they are - but in order to pin down those twits, I'm required to exhaust my personal resources of patience, love, and kindness (not to mention lunch breaks) - so at the end of the day, replacement sunglasses in possession or not, who's the big loser here?

And it's the same everywhere. Any time you deal with a big corporation, you're dealing with the same idiots, the same doublespeak, the same mumbled contrivances meant to quell your complaints when in reality they only absolve their deliverer of any kind of responsibility. It's hands-off from the top down and people like me are left with a busted pair of frames and a chip on their shoulder.

If I weren't too irate to self-medicate with music, you can bet the first song on my "DAMN THE MAN!" playlist would be "Rebellion (Lies)."