French 75's and an Internet Quiz: You Can't Saddle A UNICORN. / by LD

Tonight was Jessica's last night at the house. We celebrated. I made cocktails (Americanas and French 75s in spades, which means...well, they are stiff. You can draw your own conclusions. Also, it's 11:31 p.m. and I'm blogging. SO DRAW YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS, I SAID). Then Jody decided to administer an ill-advised internet personality quiz to me, as I swam through the aperitifs I'd just consumed. Jody informed me of the 'answers' after the fact. This all happened about ten minutes ago.


I wrote my answers as I went along on the back of an old issue of Vogue

Personality Quiz

It is preferable for you to draw a picture and write your answers. [I didn't]

Try to concentrate on how you feel about what you are describing and not just on how it looks [Feelings are the wellspring of LIFE]. For example, you may describe the cube a certain color because it gives you a feeling of calmness [Or it reminds me of Fall Fashion Week 2009. Whatev]. However, another person may describe the cube a different color that also gives her a sense of calmness [She'd be wrong, obvs]. Though both people picture the cube differently, the interpretations of their answers are the same - the cube represents calmness to them. [WHAT. EVER. ON WITH THE QUIZ!]
1) The cube

How big is the cube? "The cube is relative. I reject the idea of the cube. It is reductive in nature."
What is its color? What do you think about that color? "PLAID. [underlined twice], it's complicated."
How far away is it from you? "It is - is this about sex? It is, isn't it?"
Is it transparent? Can you see what is inside? "It has nothing - it is see-thru. But plaid; like McQueen F09." [Meant D&G F09. HATE being wrong, especially publicly wrong.]
How big is the cube compared to the desert? What is the ratio? "1:2."

(Cube : The cube represents yourself. How you think about the cube reflects how you think about yourself. For example, you may think the cube is made of yellow stones. Yellow may give you a feeling of warmth and stone may give you a feeling of strength. Then, it means that you believe that you are a strong and warm person. The distance between you and the cube reflects your understanding about yourself. If the cube is far away, then it means that you do not feel close to your inner self. If the cube is transparent, that means you let people see through you. People can read your mind easily. The ratio of the cube to the desert is how you think about yourself in this world. The bigger the ratio, the bigger your ego is. A small ratio means that you recognize that you are just one part of this world and there are many other things out there beside you.)

2) There is a ladder.

Is the ladder leaning on the cube? "NO, it wants nothing to do with the dumbass cube."
What is the color of the ladder? What is it made of? "Red. PREDICTABLE."
What impression does it give you? "Predictable & RETARDED."
What is the distance between the cube and the ladder? "It's on a computer screen - a foot away and yet infinity distance."

(Ladder : The ladder represents your friends. If the ladder is leaning against the cube, then it means that your friends depend on you. If the ladder is supporting the cube, that means you depend on your friends. The distance between the ladder and the cube indicates if you feel close to your friends or not. Again, how you feel about the ladder reflects how you feel about your friends (e.g.. what you feel about the color of the ladder and the material it is made of.).

3) There is a horse.

What is the distance between the cube and the horse? "2 computer feet, which is 2 inches."
What is the color of the house [sic]? "white."
What impression does it give you? "Annoyance."
Is it tied? Is there a saddle? "You can't saddle or tie a UNICORN."

(Horse : The horse is your lover. If the horse is close to the cube, then it means that you are close to your lover. If the horse is tied or has a saddle on it, then it means that you like to control your lover. As before, the impression of the horse reflects the impression you have of your lover.)

4) There is a storm.

What is the distance between the storm and the cube. "The SAME. Computer distance. 2 inches."
Is it a big storm or a small storm? "Medium, minus earthquakes."
Is it passing by or staying? "Staying. It's been there forever."

(Storm : The storm is the obstacle in your life. If the storm is close to the cube/ stationary, then you are always experiencing hardship in your life. If the storm is small, then it means the obstacle in your life is quite small.)

5) There is a flower/ there are flowers.

How many flowers are there? [Jody didn't manage to ask me that question. I blame the gin.]
Where is/are the flower/s? "On my head."
What is the color of the flower/s? "red & pink." [These are the colors of the flowers I recently used in making a HEADDRESS for myself for Jess's wedding, fyi.]
How do you feel about the flowers? "Like I created them."

(Flower/s : The flower represents your offspring/ If the flower is close to the cube, that means you are close to your children. Again, what you feel about the flower indicates the feelings you have towards your children.)

So there you have it. Draw your own conclusions, as I said.